Tuesday, January 6, 2009

a prayer request


I've put off writing as long as possible, but it becomes necessary for me to share, and to ask for prayers as we grieve the loss of our newest baby to be.
I went in for a routine 3-month check-up yesterday with my obstetrician, only to find that the little life growing inside me, has passed. When the doctor was unable to hear the heartbeat, she opted for an ultrasound instead. Neither of us were especially alarmed, just figured baby was hiding a bit. I can't begin to describe the sinking feeling in my chest to learn the baby's heart had stopped. No movement, no heartbeat, just the image of a lifeless, perfectly formed little baby on the ultrasound monitor. A child I will only ever know in my heart.
I went to the hospital for a more detailed ultrasound, only to have my worst fears confirmed. I wasn't able to see the images on the monitor this time, only the flat line when the tech turned on the doppler to check for heart tones. No words were needed. She just handed me tissues, and asked me to wait while she spoke with the radiologist.
John and I spent the day, mostly in tears, telling a few family members, but mostly just sharing our sadness together. When the kids got home from school, we shared the news with them as well. The 3 oldest not only understood, but also felt the loss, and I was touched by their comments, and questions as we talked through it. I tried to explain that we'd now have a special saint in heaven to pray to, and intercede for us. Sam broke my heart when he asked if he could name the baby so he could be more specific in his prayers. He suggested the name "Sweet Baby Angel" and it brings me to tears again when I remember him praying at bedtime last night to our "Sweet Baby Angel in heaven."
The painful irony is that my body has not yet realized what my mind now knows. I continue to feel "morning sickness" and have not yet begun the process of miscarriage. For now, the doctor has recommended I wait a few days to see if the baby will pass on it's own, and if not, I'll go in to the hospital friday for a procedure called a D & C.
It's an incredibly sad time, as we grieve the loss of a baby we'll never hold, and yet has already made a place in our hearts and our family. I find comfort in the abundant blessings that surround me, a constant reminder of God's mercy and love.
Your prayers are greatly appreciated.
God Bless

13 comments:

Anonymous said...

Jamie & John - Our hearts and prayers are with you. Randy and I went thru something so similar almost five years ago and like you said the new life was something very real and already part of the family. We were able to see and hold our perfectly formed, but tiny, tiny little boy and were reminded of the amazing miracles God performs. We will keep praying for your whole family
Amy & Randy Luthman

Anonymous said...

God Bless you, Jamie and Family. We truly understand your pain and will pray for you. There are no words to express how sorry we are for you and your family. We will pray for you, your family, and your "Sweet Baby Angel".
Troy and Amy Grillot

Barb said...

I feel your pain Jamie. I lost my only biological child the same way, only I was in my fifth month. What a heartbreak it is! Our Anthony was due on Jan. 4, 1982 and every year, I grieve his loss. I will be praying for you and your family. May our dear Lord and His Blessed Mother comfort all of you....God bless..

Anonymous said...

Jaime, John & Family,

I'm so sorry for you loss. It makes me sad to hear your sad news. I heard the news from your mom. Your family will be in prayers. I like the name that Sam picked.

Holly

Anonymous said...

Jamie, John & family -- our hearts and prayers go out to you. We will keep you in our prayers for healing for you and your family. I love the name "Sweet Baby Angel" -- so special.

Anonymous said...

Our family also experienced several losses of our unborn children. We feel your heart-ache and understand how the days ahead will be most difficult.
Angels come to us in many ways.
We even held one in our arms
Prayers to all..

MJ said...

I am so sorry for your loss. You and your family are in my prayers.

Anonymous said...

Jamie & John ~

You, your family, and your "Sweet Baby Angel" will be in the prayers of me and my family.



Pam Kaiser

Kat said...

I am so sorry. You are in my prayers.

Julie B. said...

God Bless your family! Sweet Baby Angel will always hold a special place in your hearts!

Gail said...

Jamie, John and Family,
I have been wanting to visit your site for months now. I wanted to congratulate you on your pregnacy. A freind set me your link just this morning and my heart was broken to hear your news. As a mother of 6 and having had two similar miscarages with in the last 15 months my heart goes out to you.

I have admired you from afar for years and you have been an inspiration to me as my family grew in numbers along wtih yours. However, we were only blessed with one set of twins and our oldest will be 11 next month. I admire your faith in God and it is that faith that will get you through this pain as well. I cannot imagine how different the experience would be without HIM.

One thing that really seemed to help our children was the teadybears that we brought home from the hospital. They were given our Angles' names and were something for the younger ones to hold and cuddle with when they thought about Amos and Elizabeth.

Please know that I think and pray for you aften, even before I learned of your news. Thank you for being such a great role model of faith and an inspiration to all couples.

In faith,

Gail Siegel

Father Schnippel said...

Prayers being sent up.

St. Gerard, Pray for us!

Anonymous said...

Our family went through something similar two and a haf years ago. A routine 15 week check-up resulted in the saddest time. I chose to wait until my body was ready and five weeks later we got to hold and name our baby boy. Count all his fingers and toes and have a Catholic burial for the immediate family. So sorry for your loss. Let yourself grieve for I know you all already completely loved that little angel.
Ann