I've put off writing as long as possible, but it becomes necessary for me to share, and to ask for prayers as we grieve the loss of our newest baby to be.
I went in for a routine 3-month check-up yesterday with my obstetrician, only to find that the little life growing inside me, has passed. When the doctor was unable to hear the heartbeat, she opted for an ultrasound instead. Neither of us were especially alarmed, just figured baby was hiding a bit. I can't begin to describe the sinking feeling in my chest to learn the baby's heart had stopped. No movement, no heartbeat, just the image of a lifeless, perfectly formed little baby on the ultrasound monitor. A child I will only ever know in my heart.
I went to the hospital for a more detailed ultrasound, only to have my worst fears confirmed. I wasn't able to see the images on the monitor this time, only the flat line when the tech turned on the doppler to check for heart tones. No words were needed. She just handed me tissues, and asked me to wait while she spoke with the radiologist.
John and I spent the day, mostly in tears, telling a few family members, but mostly just sharing our sadness together. When the kids got home from school, we shared the news with them as well. The 3 oldest not only understood, but also felt the loss, and I was touched by their comments, and questions as we talked through it. I tried to explain that we'd now have a special saint in heaven to pray to, and intercede for us. Sam broke my heart when he asked if he could name the baby so he could be more specific in his prayers. He suggested the name "Sweet Baby Angel" and it brings me to tears again when I remember him praying at bedtime last night to our "Sweet Baby Angel in heaven."
The painful irony is that my body has not yet realized what my mind now knows. I continue to feel "morning sickness" and have not yet begun the process of miscarriage. For now, the doctor has recommended I wait a few days to see if the baby will pass on it's own, and if not, I'll go in to the hospital friday for a procedure called a D & C.
It's an incredibly sad time, as we grieve the loss of a baby we'll never hold, and yet has already made a place in our hearts and our family. I find comfort in the abundant blessings that surround me, a constant reminder of God's mercy and love.
Your prayers are greatly appreciated.
God Bless
I went in for a routine 3-month check-up yesterday with my obstetrician, only to find that the little life growing inside me, has passed. When the doctor was unable to hear the heartbeat, she opted for an ultrasound instead. Neither of us were especially alarmed, just figured baby was hiding a bit. I can't begin to describe the sinking feeling in my chest to learn the baby's heart had stopped. No movement, no heartbeat, just the image of a lifeless, perfectly formed little baby on the ultrasound monitor. A child I will only ever know in my heart.
I went to the hospital for a more detailed ultrasound, only to have my worst fears confirmed. I wasn't able to see the images on the monitor this time, only the flat line when the tech turned on the doppler to check for heart tones. No words were needed. She just handed me tissues, and asked me to wait while she spoke with the radiologist.
John and I spent the day, mostly in tears, telling a few family members, but mostly just sharing our sadness together. When the kids got home from school, we shared the news with them as well. The 3 oldest not only understood, but also felt the loss, and I was touched by their comments, and questions as we talked through it. I tried to explain that we'd now have a special saint in heaven to pray to, and intercede for us. Sam broke my heart when he asked if he could name the baby so he could be more specific in his prayers. He suggested the name "Sweet Baby Angel" and it brings me to tears again when I remember him praying at bedtime last night to our "Sweet Baby Angel in heaven."
The painful irony is that my body has not yet realized what my mind now knows. I continue to feel "morning sickness" and have not yet begun the process of miscarriage. For now, the doctor has recommended I wait a few days to see if the baby will pass on it's own, and if not, I'll go in to the hospital friday for a procedure called a D & C.
It's an incredibly sad time, as we grieve the loss of a baby we'll never hold, and yet has already made a place in our hearts and our family. I find comfort in the abundant blessings that surround me, a constant reminder of God's mercy and love.
Your prayers are greatly appreciated.
God Bless
