Thursday, January 15, 2009

cold hands, warm heart.

Well, it wasn't a snow day. We had to settle for the 2hr. delay. But it was a good day, none the less. We all slept in till 8, which was a wonderful treat, and reminder of our lazy days of Christmas (all except for John that is, who was off to work in the wee morning hours). After the 3 oldest were off to school at 10, the rest of us decided to bake cookies. I don't always love having the help of 2 yr. olds in the kitchen, but today it was enjoyable as they each (Grace, Mary, John, Charlie, Frank & Rose) took turns measuring, mixing, etc. (Lucy was down for a morning nap.) We made spritz cookies with sprinkles. They taste wonderful, but unfortunately didn't hold their shape when they baked and just melted into a pool of paper thin, sprinkled wafers. After back-tracking through the recipe to see where we went wrong, I realized that with all my helpful distractions, I doubled everything in the recipe but the flour, so...heavy on the butter and sugar, but thin. Oh well. We're an easy to please kind of crowd.
A dear friend, who I don't see often enough, called and joined us, along with her 4 yr. old son for lunch. It was a wonderful treat to chat and spend time with her, especially so impromptu. So nice to catch up. She's got 6 children, about the same ages as our oldest 6, including a set of twins as there are plenty of funnies to share. I'm so grateful she stopped in!! I'm not good at that sort of thing (dropping in unannounced), but think it's great when other people do. It was definitely the highlight of my day.
After a nice visit while the kids played, it was nap time. John and Mary (home from preschool today) helped me with another recipe for chocolate toffee bars. They were a total failure. Burnt black in the oven. Even the chocolate and walnuts couldn't hide the smokey flavor, so into the trash they went. I never did figure out what went wrong there. It's a tried and true recipe that I followed to a tee. What a disappointment...just not my day in the kitchen I guess.
I'll admit I was a little afraid to start supper tonight. But our breakfast egg and sausage casserole, cinnamon rolls and fresh fruit turned out perfectly. It is a small miracle when everyone clears their plates...and ask for seconds.
Anyhow, it was a beautiful day today despite the bitter cold outside. I couldn't help but feel grateful, and reflective about all that we've been through in the last weeks. Grateful for the most basic things: warm home, good food, caring friends, good health, the blessing of family, and perhaps even grateful for the experience of losing a most precious little miracle. That sounds difficult to understand, even as I type it. I still have moments of intense sadness, thinking about the child I'll have to wait my lifetime to know, and feeling robbed of the joys of mothering that precious little life. But there are moments when I realize that this little saint in heaven is a unique gift. We share a spiritual connection, and as I pray to little Cy, for many things throughout the day, I'm grateful for the gift of him as he is, my little angel. The way God intended for our relationship to be. Our Heavenly Father has proven time and time again, that His plan is far greater than any I could have made for my life. I must trust Him once more.

"God smiles when we trust Him completely." ~the purpose driven life


Anonymous said...

I made your egg casserole for my parents, brother and his family the other week--we all just loved it!!! Actually, it's on our menu for next weeks dinner.

Anonymous said...

Our computer has been down so I am just catching up...I'm so sad to hear about your Sweet Baby Angel Cy. My Mom's best friend just lost her husband, also named Cyril (we all called him Cy, too). Now there are two more angels in heaven.

Jamie, you are such a remarkable person and show such strength and grace, even in times of sorrow. I learn something wonderful about life every time I read one of your entries. Thanks so much for sharing and may God Bless you and your beautiful family!