God knows. And he lets me off fairly easy.
Recently I was struggling with a matter of forgiveness. I prayed about it for many months, talked with my husband about how to handle things...did all the right stuff to try to forgive someone their business. I wanted to be able to love this person in spite of/in light of their wrong choices...to forgive them, and still remain friends. Even though their wrong choices had ABSOLUTELY nothing to do with me. I just knew the wrongness was there in the past, and I wanted to be "bigger" than all that. More "Christ-like."
This is where God laughed, (and proceeded to thump me over my thick skull with the flashlight I was holding up for everyone to believe it was really a Christ-light.)
You see God sat me down, and said this...
You see, what our merciful Lord helped me to realize, was that I just needed to get over myself. That in fact, His love won. His forgiveness was given. He showed me that while I was so busy focusing on things of the past, I failed to recognize how incredibly hard this person had worked to move beyond it. She had made right with Him, and came out beautifully and rightfully cleansed in His love. And while I was thinking I needed to extend my hand...to help...to forgive...I totally missed the fact that she was there, hand extended pulling me out of my "hole" of sinful pride. God placed her in my life because I needed her help, not necessarily the other way around. Get over yourself already Jamie Catherine. Learn from the love and strength and courage of others...and know that we are all sinful. Find peace in the knowledge that through his suffering and death, I am forgiven too.
Thus says the LORD:
Remember not the events of the past,
the things of long ago consider not;
see, I am doing something new!
We are indeed in this together...we are the body of Christ. We are His hands, pulling each other out, raising each other up.
Thank you Lord for your gift of forgiveness, and for allowing me to see through your eyes...that we are all beautifully, perfectly made in your likeness.