I'm not sure what happened...hormones, sick kids, pregnancy fatigue, dreary weather on Saturday, or the fact that I've been battling a nasty sinus infection all week (maybe a combination of all of the above). But Friday night I poured myself a big old bowl of "Feelin' Sorry for Myself" and munched on it all weekend! Talk about a funk...wow. Ask anyone here, I was a real ball of fire to be around. Thank God they love me, and put up with me gracefully.
It seemed to start Friday evening when John announced that he was taking the four oldest to the high school football game. God love him...I know he meant well...it would mean 4 less for me at home, and he even offered that if I'd rather go, he'd stay behind with the younger ones. Truth is, I had no desire to go without him, but would have LOVED to sit with him in the bleachers. This is about when I got the bowl and spoon out, ready to pour it on. For some reason, everyone's yard was looking greener...the couples who go to the games without their kids, or the couples who take all their kids with them and give each child several bucks to spend at the concessions, or even the couples who put their kids to bed early to stay up snuggling on the couch. Somehow in the joys and blessings of big family life, a small sacrifice...something we're always working to overcome is that there can at times feel like a disconnect in that whole "couple" thing. I'm thinking in hindsight (after I stuffed myself on "whoa is me" all weekend), that John's new day-shift schedule is certainly a step in the right direction for changing that. The kids are in bed by 9, leaving us an hour or so to talk, read the paper together, share thoughts on the day, or whatever. It has to beat communicating with post-it notes on those days when we'd work opposite shifts, or when I was just too tired to wait up for him to get home. ...
Anyhow...I stayed in my miserable little funk all through Saturday, accomplishing the bare-minimum as far as cooking and clean-up, and kids needs are concerned. John was asked to come in and supervise the OT shift for the weekend...9 hours...yikes. We had talked about doing a quick family get-away for the weekend, which we'd nixed by midweek, but that was still fueling my "sorry me" bowl yet too. I managed to twist around in my head that everyone else probably had fun plans for the weekend but us...whoa is me. The rest of the day was spent moping around in sloppy sweatpants...I can't even say they were baggy, which only added to my emotional dysfunction. Thankfully by Saturday evening, I got out of the house for a half-hour grocery run, and came home feeling like the fog was lifting.
Sunday's sunshine, and the graces that come with attending mass together as a family made the day seem even more good, with nothin' but feelings of hope and optimism. The gospel reading today is one of my favorite collections of stories of forgiveness, and were just what I needed to hear to start with a new attitude today. I could totally connect with Paul in the second reading...I am the sinner whom God continues to show mercy towards. And I have every reason to be grateful...especially after acting like such a schmuck yesterday. Even the psalms resonated...I love how the Holy Spirit speaks to us in the daily readings! God is good!! We spent the day putting on a big pot of chili, making a ginormous double batch of caramel corn (which had everyone smiling), and enjoyed listening to Alice share some of the new songs she's learned on the guitar. Wow...just 8 months of lessons and she sounds incredible. We had fun singing and dancing to her rendition of "Country Roads." John and I even got to sneak out for a couple hours while the younger kids were napping, to do some shopping. It was just the little "out" we needed to regroup/reconnect again.
Life is good. We have our "funky" moments...and I am grateful for the Holy Spirit who is waiting patiently to blow the stink off.
...from today's responsorial psalm:
R. (Lk 15:18) I will
rise and go to my father.
A clean heart create for me, O God,
and a steadfast spirit renew within me.
Cast me not out from your
and your Holy Spirit take not from me.
R. I will rise
and go to my father.