Open the eyes of my heart, Lord.

Don't you just love that song.
"Open the eyes of my heart, Lord.  I want to see you."

Love it.

Twice this weekend my eyes were opened wide to witness beautiful people doing beautiful, amazing, hard things in His holy name,

On Friday, my mom and I headed over to Russia (the tiny village in ohio, not the country) to support a ministry called Rustic Hope in their annual quarter auction.  My knowledge of what this organization does was pretty limited before Friday, but I knew it was important.  Through testimonies, and  conversations with other women there, I started to realize just how important.  This amazing woman Connie, started this pro-life ministry with the support of her husband and family to provide loving care and support to pregnant teens.  Sometimes taking these young ladies into their home to live as part of their family, often driving them to doctor appointments, providing them with clothing and all the things they need along the way.  Most importantly offering unconditional love in a supportive family environment.  Helping young ladies choose life.  Amazing.  My heart was so opened.  I see God in her, and her family, and the work they have committed themselves to.  A woman who's mission is to love.  That's God.  I see him in her.  Is that Namaste?  I think so.

On Sunday and again today, I was fortunate enough to hear from another amazing soul doing God's work.  Scott Will, a graduate of Ft. Recovery spoke at our parish about his medical missionary work in South Sudan, Africa.  Our parish is supporting him and the organization he works with (World Harvest Mission) as our lenton mission.  He shared stories of treating young children, extremely malnourished.  He told of the poverty and poor living conditions, as well as the civil unrest, and lack of sense of community there.  But he continues to return to South Sudan and share with them Gods love, through his work in the medical field as well as through team sports, bible studies, and agricultural education.  Truly inspiring.    His stories were amazing.  And his beautiful message of having no regrets, only blessings from his response of "yes" to God's call was awesome.  Gods grace is sufficient.  His living witness and testimony opened my heart, and I saw God present, alive and working within Scott.

Truly, we are Gods hands and feet on earth.
What call might I be missing or rejecting?
Or  perhaps, what call have I said yes to, but have not given myself to fully?

These beautiful people give me hope, inspire, encourage, epitomize Gods love.

Thank  you both for opening the eyes of my heart.

Pet peeves.

Everyday, it's the same thing.  

Makes me crazy, so I think we need a refresher course...

No.

Yes, please.

And thank you.

40 - A Video Of Jesus In The Wilderness

I previewed this video of cartoon images to show in my religion class this week.  Seemed too simple at first glance, but the emotion and detail in these cartoons is amazing, and some of the images have been hanging with me since.  Hope you enjoy it as much as I did.  (Taken from yesterday's gospel, by the way.)

God-hole.

Yesterday's responsorial psalms from daily mass readings...

R. (19b) A heart contrite and humbled, O God, you will not spurn.
Have mercy on me, O God, in your goodness;
in the greatness of your compassion wipe out my offense.
Thoroughly wash me from my guilt
and of my sin cleanse me.
R. A heart contrite and humbled, O God, you will not spurn.
For I acknowledge my offense,
and my sin is before me always:
“Against you only have I sinned,
and done what is evil in your sight.”
R. A heart contrite and humbled, O God, you will not spurn.
For you are not pleased with sacrifices;
should I offer a burnt offering, you would not accept it.
My sacrifice, O God, is a contrite spirit;
a heart contrite and humbled, O God, you will not spurn.
R. A heart contrite and humbled, O God, you will not spurn.

That last verse in particular hit me.  I can be a real wimp in the self control department.  Lent is always a struggle, and frequently (ok, always) a disappointment as far as keeping my promises.  Giving things up is hard.  Giving up anything.  Shoot, I'd be the one to start smoking just by giving up cigarettes for Lent.  I'm drawn into to temptation...like a sucker!
Somehow though, this verse reassures me.  Perhaps God is a little less interested in how many days I go without Facebook, or how bad coffee tastes without creamer.  Perhaps those little trials, even if a few days of giving up on this, lead to a couple days of sacrificing that.  Maybe it's not about the specifics, rather it's about our intention, our desire to find little ways everyday to improve our relationship with Him.  It's about the change that happens in our heart as a result of those sacrifices...recognizing that when we sacrifice something, anything, for any length of time, we're making more room in there for him.

A friend told me once that "each of us has a God-shaped hole in our heart, that can only be filled by Him."  Maybe then, Lent is about the process by which we stop trying to stuff that God-hole with other crap, and clear the way for only Him.

maybe.

Noise

There are times  this house can seem quite loud.  Ok.  It doesn't just SEEM loud.  It is...really noisy.
Imagine girls on giant exercise balls racing; bouncing, bouncing, BOUNCING around the kitchen table.  Meanwhile boys are playing with army heroes and Lego creations.  And anyone with boys knows about the sounds that come with this type of play...constant shooting, whistling, whirring, narrating with animated voices, clicking, ticking, screeching, shooting, and so on.  Even stories about daily events at school are spoken with a voice louder than necessary in order to be heard over all the noise.
Most days I don't even recognize how loud it is.  It's just our song.  The story of days in a home full of life and energy and well, noise.
But there are times.  Some evenings I just want to scream louder than everyone.  (And sometimes I do.)  "QUIET!!!!!!!"
"How can anyone hear anything with all this noise?!"

And then I begin to wonder if that's how I make God feel sometimes.  With all my worrying, and wishing, and overthinking and analyzing.  And the things that distract me, like Facebook, and text messages, desiring more stuff, wondering the "why's," and "how's, and "what-ifs?"
Does he ever just want to scream and get my attention?
Or is He much more  patient than I.
Does he know the story of my life, for he has written it.
And rather than scream, he waits.  And watches, listens, redirects at times, knowing that some day I will have the strength to surrender the stuff that keeps me from hearing, and listening.
He is the peace and quiet.
I am loving This Lent for its reminder to surrender, to be silent (even if only internally), and enjoy the peace only God can give.

What to give up?

Charlie (2nd grader) informed me today that he's decided to give up Lent.  This is the same little man who a few years back (around the age of 4 or 5) decided to give up cigarettes and stealing beer for 40 days.  Seriously?!

I've already reneged on my Lenten promises, I admit.  It seemed absolutely necessary to check in on Facebook...after all I'm a Great Aunt again today.  Welcome Lilyan Francis, sweet 6#12oz bundle of joy.  Yes.  Seeing your bright eyes for the first time online (from hundreds of miles away) was definitely worth the cheat!
And now, I'm back on track.  Eyes wide open (like little Lilyan), attempting to recognize what it is God is asking of me, and hoping I might muster the courage to say Yes.

Lenten, little prayers

Awake in the morning with little prayers, grateful for another day.
Busy breakfast, and hustle bustle.
Morning mass with all the kids, sans Alice who was home sick and little Anne who was sleeping in with her.
Ashes; a reminder that I follow Him.
Back at home, coffee and games and puzzles and cartoons.
A load of laundry, and dishes.
Lunch; then off to a planning meeting for religion classes.
And baking.
A new recipe of humble dough, arms twisted tight into little prayers.
After school hunger pains, and homework.
Dinner table sharing.
Evening of story times, and noisy playing, and finally settling.
For reflection, and little prayers.
Mold and shape me Lord, like the dough I carefully kneaded today.
Help me to desire less of everything but You.
Grateful for another day.

Lord's Prayer

"Give us this day our daily bread..."

Not enough bread for the week, or even the month, and definitely not to last through the teenage years. 
Heaven's no. 
Just enough nourishment to make it through today...the morning scramble and send-off, just that one load of towels, 2 bathrooms to clean, only 1 hour of homework hype, 3 meals, and all the surprises and hugs and snuggles and tears and laughter and music and mayhem leading up to 1 bedtime routine.
Just enough for today Lord.
And tonight we will all rest, for tomorrow is a new day. 
And I will meet you in the morning, and together we'll tackle it again.
One day at a time. 
One moment at a time.
Remind me not worry about what the future holds.  Only help me to remember that You are holding it. 
And today, when I ask, you will provide me with all that I need.
For today.

something for me

Truths about where I've been...

Life with 11 children is full and busy.  Shoot...life with 2 seemed busy from what I can remember that far back.  You get that.

Laundry happens.  And with more of the kids in school now, I'm actually pleased to report that I have nearly mastered a schedule in which socks are folded, and even put away during daylight hours.

These people keep eating (okay, so do I.)   And so there's the planning, purchasing, putting away, and preparing of stuff in order to keep bellies full. 

This van sucks gas.  And I have done more carpooling/transporting/picking-up/dropping-off/cheauffering around in the last 6 months, than I've done in my lifetime.  We only live a block from school for heaven sakes!  How can this be?!!

Somewhere through all this lovely chaos, I've become quite efficient at multitasking and managing and maneuvering. 

I don't think EFFICIENT is what God is calling me to be though.

Reflections on turning 40 this past December, and more self-analyzing with the New Years and resolutions and such...and now even more importantly...considering just how I plan for this Lent to be a transformative season; and how I want to grow closer to God, and become more of the person He created me to be has helped me to realize a thing or two. 
Among them, I've realized that being at the center of all things domestic is good and fulfilling, but not the end-all, be-all of my existence.  Being a wife and mother is enough, and not enough all at once...a beautiful conflicting reality that leaves me (and maybe a lot of women) feeling guilt-ridden and perhaps more than a little "bummed" that something's missing.  Something for me. 

And maybe among lots of other issues...like overeating, and underexercising, and getting more wrinkles and grays, and realizing that parenting teenagers is not at all the same as parenting 3 year olds.  It's time to up my game...learn some things...recognize I don't have much of anything figured out...pray more...yell less...and TRUST that God will give me the tools, but that I need to start asking Him for help more than occasionally. 

I haven't been interested in writing for a long time.  Or maybe I have, but just didn't want to find the time for it anymore. Maybe that would seem selfish...and I'm a team player, after all.  Or maybe I really wasn't interested.  Not sure.
But God keeps dropping subtle messages that maybe its time to make time again.  It's okay to do this.  Only, no pressure this time.  I won't promise a daily post.  Or maybe even weekly.  I'm just trying to listen again.  Listening to that little voice that says "Write this down.  It's important.  It's funny.  You need to do this.  You'll laugh about it someday." 

God is that voice. 

And that voice is something for me.

Because Jesus is the Light of the World!

We've had an Advent Wreath for years.  It's always been the little felt "childrens" version with no real flames.  It could take no more abuse though, flames torn off and repinned, velcro fasteners worn...it was on its way out. 
This is to be our first season with a real, homemade advent wreath, and prayers, and the beginning of a beautiful tradition. 

In usual Jamie-fashion, I was a couple days late getting it together.  But alas, with some greenery and holly berries and a few pine cones from the yard, and yet another trip to the store for candles...we are ready to light it up!  And so at dinner last night we did.  Complete with a little background about the meaning, brief prayers/reflections...it was lovely.

And the best was when little Charlie excitedly interrupted..."Mom, do you know why we light candles and string christmas lights?" 
"Tell my why," I begged.
"Because Jesus IS the light of the world, you know.!" 

Indeed. 

Happy Adventing.

Butterflies from heaven

The other morning, I walked into the kitchen just as the kids were having a conversation about Heaven and what it might be like.  Little John added that he's excited to see his brother Cyril and his kidney. 
"Do you think your kidney is waiting for you in heaven?" I interrupted. 
"Sure," he went on to explain.  "I was born with it, it died, and now it's probably floating around heaven tied to a blue balloon, just waiting for me."  He said very matter-of-factly.

Interesting to me that he thought of things that way.  But I sure didn't try to argue with him...what do I know of the "rules" of heaven?

The kids went on, about how baby Cy was probably with Grandma Alice, and that it would be cool to meet them both someday.  And we joked that maybe Cy wasn't really a boy (we miscarried before we could really know), and that maybe she'd give us all a little grief for naming her all wrong. 

Anyhow, the conversation somehow drifted to who might get to heaven first, and how we might be able to send a sign, or a smoke-signal, or something to the rest of us here, to let us know we made it...and that me met up with Cy and Grandma.  I thought this was genius.  And so after much argument/discussion, we finally settled on purple butterflies.  One for "we made it" and a pair if we're greeted by Cy.  (For the record, Frank voted for a short-tailed squirrel, and Sam said he'd send down Johns kidney/balloon.) 

Very cool.  Hopefully our memory is made perfect in heaven, and someday (many, many moons from now) I can delight my kids on earth with a perfect pair of purple butterflies from heaven.

Happy Advent

I haven't even posted tidbits of our thanksgiving, or updated you on the kids' latest shananigans in weeks.  I've got to tell you about our recent conversation on Heaven initiated by 8 year old John, who's looking forward to meeting his "dead" kidney someday...it's a story that requires sharing...I'll get to it.
But first...since I've failed to aquire a proper Advent wreath in a timely fashion, I'll at the very least share our prayers/reflections with you.  (We'll be using them at home each day with dinner, as well I'll be using them with my 7th grade religion class.)

A blessed Advent to you and yours.

SundayPrayer: To you, my God, I lift my soul. I trust in you.

Monday
Mary and Joseph lived happily at Nazareth, doing their daily work with joy.I will do my daily work well today, and with joy- for God.
Tuesday
Joseph received the order from the Roman ruler to go to Bethlehem and register. He obeyed the order and got ready to go.
I will obey my parents, teachers, and others in charge of me.

Wednesday
Mary got their house ready and began to pack what they would need for the trip. She did so without complaint.
I will not complain today, even if I must do things I do not like.

Thursday
Mary and Joseph traveled by donkey.
I will be happy with the things I have and will not ask my family for more or better things.

Friday
Mary and Joseph ate the food of the poor on their journey.
I will eat healthful foods today rather than those that are not good for me. I will thank God for the food I have and pray for the hungry.

Saturday
After traveling all day, Mary made Joseph a meal, and he found her a resting place.
I will do something special to bring joy to my parents and family today.

"In-de-pend-dent"

Often, I find myself remembering that scene from Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer...the scene when Hermey (the dentist elf) is explaining to Rudolph how he was "In-de-end-ent."  And I can't say it without emphasizing each syllable, just like those two did.

Something about 2 year olds learning new tricks, and insisting they do things all by themselves.

In-de-pen-dent.

Anne had one of those moments today.  It cracked me up.

For anyone with older girls who insist on wearing these crazy stretchy headbands to slick back their loose hair/bangs all the time, and are constantly adjusting them as they slide out of place...you'll know why this is so darned funny.

I swear, she wouldn't let me help...and just kept putting them on, taking them off, over and over!

 And finally, happy with her results...this is how she insisted we head out to the grocery store.
Yes.  Lovely.   And independent!

I thought it was just really cool to spend time learning the art of home canning from my mother in law almost 16 years ago.  She was such a patient teacher, and only laughed at me a few times when my ignorance proved too much for her to contain.  Seriously.  I grew up on instant mashed potatoes and hamburger helper, on a good day.  Putting fresh fruit into a jar and hermetically sealing it to last through the winter was a foreign concept to say the least.

Clearly though, in hindsight it's easy to realize it was providential and truly one of God's gifts that she would share these things with me. 

I wouldn't have believed a soul who would have predicted I'd be staying at home raising 11 kids, and most definitely couldn't have imagined the grocery bill to feed them.

Ha!

Over the past week I've been consumed with thoughts of her, as I put up 7 quarts of applesauce and another 12 quarts of apple pie filling; thanks to the last apples of the season from our cousin's trees.  Waste not, want not.

 I so wish she were here to chat about life's crazy moments, and yet I'm sure she's enjoying the view from heaven (and gasping a little when I don't wipe the rim of that jar clean before placing the wax lid!)  {smile}  Just kidding Alice.  Clean as a whistle.  And sealed nicely.

God is good.

The Body of Christ

Often times, coming up with a lesson plan for my 7th grade religion class is a bit tricky.  I have a text and teachers guide, and suggested activities.  Still pulling the information together, and helping the kids to see the lesson through their own eyes...recognizing how it relates to their own lives, bringing the lesson to life can be challenging.

Today's lesson plan was all about "being the body of Christ."

Along with a prayer by St. Theresa of Avila, few paragraphs from their text, a creative team activity,  a really cool song by Casting Crowns, and some prayers to the Holy Spirit...I was still feeling like something was missing.

As I stood at the kitchen cupboard, books open, leafing through for just one more thought/idea to pull it all together, my phone rings...God is so AWESOME!  And the people who he works through...well they're AWESOME too!

You see, my van wouldn't start last night after the junior high bible study.  So I left it parked there in the church parking lot overnight, and called for a tow this morning to our local repair shop.  A lovely soul who saw our "big red bus" roll past her window on the back of a flatbed trailer found in her heart to pick up the phone and call.

Without hesitation.  Seriously...the van couldn't have even made it the 5 minute drive to the repair shop yet when she'd called.

There she was on the other end of the line asking "What can I do for you today?!"  Concerned that I didn't have a way to get kiddos to preschool/kindergarden, or that I might have other errands to run, she dialed me up and offered herself (and her wheels) to help out.  Just like that.

Thank you, my friend for being the perfect example of how each one of us is called to be "The Body of Christ" in our world.  God Bless!! 

Praises to the Holy Spirit for bringing this lesson to life for me, and for allowing me to share the experience with my class. 

“Christ has no body now on earth but yours

no hands but yours,

no feet but yours,

Yours are the eyes through which to look out

Christ's compassion to the world

Yours are the feet with which he is to go about

doing good;

Yours are the hands with which he is to bless men now.”  
                                ~St. Teresa of Avila 

Election Day

Apparently I need a longer arm to get us all in the picture.  Sorry Anne.

 

Yes.  We did vote.  Well, only I voted but with the help of my little pollsters. 

We all got stickers though. 

On the way to the polls, I chatted briefly with the 2, 4, and 6 year olds about what it means to vote.  About how we get to help choose our new president.  I mentioned the two presidential candidates...of course the kids were familiar with both names.  "Rock" Obama is the man responsible for stealing all the good food from the cafeteria (according to Frank.)  And Mitt is the "nice guy" according to Rose.  Their opinions may have been swayed slightly by the older "school kids" in our house.  Ha!
Lucy added without hesitation..."I'm going with God on this one, Mom." 

AMEN.  (me too.)

On the feast of All Saints.

I started the morning at a much quicker pace than usual today.  Typically I hang out in my flannels, present for the kids as they pass through the kitchen.  They make their own breakfast, clean up a fuzz, go about their morning hoopla.  I'm there to give gentle reminders and help with shoe-tying, hair beautifying, and of course morning prayer.  All the while, sipping my coffee and enjoying the whirlwind that surrounds me.
Today though...thing were different.  I woke the four youngest earlier than they prefer.  I helped them dress and get ready for church.  We dropped the older kids off at school, then off to Mass we went.  The fact that their eyes were only half-open, and they'd not had breakfast yet seemed to help them stay fairly settled in the pew.  Even Anne had nothing to say today.   That is until we returned from Communion.   As soon as we were back in the pew and kneeling, she began screaming and pointing back to the Eucharistic Minister.   Making it very clear that she did not get her share.  I hushed her and rocked her and tried to explain "someday, when you're a big girl." 
And I realized in that little instant again, what a privelige it is to be part of this special Communion...a sacred meal that defies the boundaries of time/space.  A sharing in the Bread of Life with all our family here on Earth and in Heaven. 
Breakfast with the Saints, shall we say.

It made me smile that she wanted to be a part of it, even if only for a snack...and in that moment I felt so incredibly blessed to have been called to be part of it.  Grateful that she helped me to remember the beautiful gift of sharing in the breaking of the Bread. 

Peace.

Ahhhh....just what I needed...

A little peace and quiet.

 

 

 

Hahahaha!!!  NOT!  

Alice and Emma left for a costume party with friends...leaving the noisiest part of our bunch here.   Turns out it was a typical not so peaceful, rather noisy Saturday night on the homefront.

Life is good.

Two.

Just like that.  My baby is two.

No more bottles, or sippies, no burp clothes, or bibs.  (Well, she needs a bib, but refuses to wear it.)  No more onesies (potty training soon.)  No more patroling for polly pocket shoes or Legos or other tiny things that babies like to put in their mouths. 

You see, after nearly 13 straight years of baby stuff in our house...suddenly...there are no babies. 

Oh, she's still my baby.  But she's becoming a big girl so quickly.  By summer, I expect we'll be done with diapers as well.  Seriously.  I never imagined that day would come.  Some part of me thinks that I should be celebrating...screaming from the rooftops!  Wooohoooooo!!! We made it!! 

And yet here I am...in tears thinking about how wonderful it is to have a baby in the house, and how I'm going to miss these difficult/simple times.   It's all I've known for a long time.  God has been so good.  Thank you God.  Thank you.  thank you. 

And God bless Anne on her 2nd birthday!  You're still my baby girl.

Trick-or Treat!

Only 9 made the last minute picture...Sam and Mary had already taken off with friends.

One more last minute trip to Dollar General for green face paint (we've got every color here, but green!), 30bucks to order in pizza (who has time to cook on a night like this?!), a one-hour scramble of face painting, hair spraying, costuming, shoe-tying, primping, and hunting for bags to hold the loot, not to mention last minute decorating by the oldest two...wanting to "haunt" the place a bit.
"Mom, where's the tape?"
Mom, can you tie my shoes?"
"Mom, my cape feels weird."
"Have you seen my pirate hook?"
"My makeup is next."
"Can I have hot rollers in?" 
"Is it time to go yet?"
"The neighbors are going!"
"Sam and Mary left already...."
"Please mom, pleeeeeeeeeease."
"Say cheese."
"Be nice...use sidewalks...don't step on anyones flowers!...say thank you!....Be careful...don't talk to strangers!...home by 8.  Listen to Dad!!!"

ahh.  silence.  

Lots of silence.

We only got about a dozen trick or treaters here this year.  Far from the numbers in our old neighborhood.  What a lot of stress and craziness for an hour and a half of fun!
Love it. 

Thank God it's over!

Now whose having a Snickers bar for breakfast?!