Sunday, February 24, 2013

something for me

Truths about where I've been...

Life with 11 children is full and busy.  Shoot...life with 2 seemed busy from what I can remember that far back.  You get that.

Laundry happens.  And with more of the kids in school now, I'm actually pleased to report that I have nearly mastered a schedule in which socks are folded, and even put away during daylight hours.

These people keep eating (okay, so do I.)   And so there's the planning, purchasing, putting away, and preparing of stuff in order to keep bellies full. 

This van sucks gas.  And I have done more carpooling/transporting/picking-up/dropping-off/cheauffering around in the last 6 months, than I've done in my lifetime.  We only live a block from school for heaven sakes!  How can this be?!!

Somewhere through all this lovely chaos, I've become quite efficient at multitasking and managing and maneuvering. 

I don't think EFFICIENT is what God is calling me to be though.

Reflections on turning 40 this past December, and more self-analyzing with the New Years and resolutions and such...and now even more importantly...considering just how I plan for this Lent to be a transformative season; and how I want to grow closer to God, and become more of the person He created me to be has helped me to realize a thing or two. 
Among them, I've realized that being at the center of all things domestic is good and fulfilling, but not the end-all, be-all of my existence.  Being a wife and mother is enough, and not enough all at once...a beautiful conflicting reality that leaves me (and maybe a lot of women) feeling guilt-ridden and perhaps more than a little "bummed" that something's missing.  Something for me. 

And maybe among lots of other issues...like overeating, and underexercising, and getting more wrinkles and grays, and realizing that parenting teenagers is not at all the same as parenting 3 year olds.  It's time to up my game...learn some things...recognize I don't have much of anything figured out...pray more...yell less...and TRUST that God will give me the tools, but that I need to start asking Him for help more than occasionally. 

I haven't been interested in writing for a long time.  Or maybe I have, but just didn't want to find the time for it anymore. Maybe that would seem selfish...and I'm a team player, after all.  Or maybe I really wasn't interested.  Not sure.
But God keeps dropping subtle messages that maybe its time to make time again.  It's okay to do this.  Only, no pressure this time.  I won't promise a daily post.  Or maybe even weekly.  I'm just trying to listen again.  Listening to that little voice that says "Write this down.  It's important.  It's funny.  You need to do this.  You'll laugh about it someday." 

God is that voice. 

And that voice is something for me.


16 comments:

Mari Mari said...

You know what? I have been seeing lots of moms letting their blogs go when their kids go to school, or start speaking fluently, or are potty trained. I don`t know how long you have been writing this blog, but your last baby is potty trained AND speak fluently - going to school is just a matter of time. It seems that blogging is good companion when babies aren`t much interactive; after that, real life seems pretty more fun than virtual life...

j,j,andhsmom said...

I completely relate to your part about parenting teenagers. My oldest has only been a teen for six months, and yet I almost long for the long sleepless nights and the physical exhaustion of little ones. I pray more now than I believe I ever have in my life...hoping that we make the right choices and provide the right guidance...even hoping that we are choosing the "right battles to fight" because we certainly can't fight them all! I'm beginning to think that God makes the teenage years as they are so that we are more ready to send them out into the world when the time comes...living with them is tough! :) I'll add you and your teens to my prayers as well!

Anonymous said...

Your readers will be here when you are ready to write. We are thankful for you allowing the Holy Spirit to work through your blog.

Anonymous said...

I missed you Jamie, but totally understand. It is so easy to get caught up in the trenches at home keeping everyone clothed and fed that the days just keep going by so fast. I love your outloook on life though, and am looking forward to more inspiration from you.

Anonymous said...

Jamie, I am a constant lurker of your site. Your words are like medicine to me...they are encouraging, motivating and fulfilling.

B Barhorst said...

Welcome back to the grid! Missed your stories!

Amy Beth said...

I am so glad you wrote again! I love your blog. You are so real and it helps so many of us feel "real" and centered. Thanks Jamie - God bless you for the beautiful person you are inside and out!

Anonymous said...

So glad to have you back. You are an inspiration.

Anonymous said...

Welcome back, Jamie! Therese

Ginny said...

Hello Jamie,
...and yes it is good to see you venturing back again! In fact it has motivated me to also "listen" to that same "Voice" inside me. I have been procrastinating forever... about blogging. I left my begin and end pretty quickly. ...
thanks for that little push. Holy Spirit inspired, because I have not ventured on your blog for quite awhile,so something moved me to do so this morning!

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