Truths about where I've been...
Life with 11 children is full and busy. Shoot...life with 2 seemed busy from what I can remember that far back. You get that.
Laundry happens. And with more of the kids in school now, I'm actually pleased to report that I have nearly mastered a schedule in which socks are folded, and even put away during daylight hours.
These people keep eating (okay, so do I.) And so there's the planning, purchasing, putting away, and preparing of stuff in order to keep bellies full.
This van sucks gas. And I have done more carpooling/transporting/picking-up/dropping-off/cheauffering around in the last 6 months, than I've done in my lifetime. We only live a block from school for heaven sakes! How can this be?!!
Somewhere through all this lovely chaos, I've become quite efficient at multitasking and managing and maneuvering.
I don't think EFFICIENT is what God is calling me to be though.
Reflections on turning 40 this past December, and more self-analyzing with the New Years and resolutions and such...and now even more importantly...considering just how I plan for this Lent to be a transformative season; and how I want to grow closer to God, and become more of the person He created me to be has helped me to realize a thing or two.
Among them, I've realized that being at the center of all things domestic is good and fulfilling, but not the end-all, be-all of my existence. Being a wife and mother is enough, and not enough all at once...a beautiful conflicting reality that leaves me (and maybe a lot of women) feeling guilt-ridden and perhaps more than a little "bummed" that something's missing. Something for me.
And maybe among lots of other issues...like overeating, and underexercising, and getting more wrinkles and grays, and realizing that parenting teenagers is not at all the same as parenting 3 year olds. It's time to up my game...learn some things...recognize I don't have much of anything figured out...pray more...yell less...and TRUST that God will give me the tools, but that I need to start asking Him for help more than occasionally.
I haven't been interested in writing for a long time. Or maybe I have, but just didn't want to find the time for it anymore. Maybe that would seem selfish...and I'm a team player, after all. Or maybe I really wasn't interested. Not sure.
But God keeps dropping subtle messages that maybe its time to make time again. It's okay to do this. Only, no pressure this time. I won't promise a daily post. Or maybe even weekly. I'm just trying to listen again. Listening to that little voice that says "Write this down. It's important. It's funny. You need to do this. You'll laugh about it someday."
God is that voice.
And that voice is something for me.