Wednesday, August 31, 2011
a letter to my angel
My dear little Cy,
It's hard to believe you'd be two already! In many ways it seems like just yesterday...
It's true that time does heal, but it certainly doesn't let us forget. Yesterday you were heavy on my mind. God slipped you into my thoughts several times throughout the day...what a gift. Your big brother John was filling out his paper "All About Me" in his religion class and on the part where he had to write how many people are in his family...he wrote 14. He always counts you. Sometimes when I see or hear him counting you it makes me feel uncomfortable, like there's something I need to explain. I'm sorry if you know that. He's so right, and I'm wrong. I realize that now. Because you do count baby boy! Forever will there be a place in my heart for you just as sure as there's a place for your eleven brothers and sisters here with me. There is joy in being assured that some day I will get to know you better...in heaven, when we're both with Jesus. I hope he's keeping you good company...I'm sure he is. And Grandma Alice too. I bet she loves knowing you and being Grandma to you there...it's important for you to be there for her too, cause I bet she misses lovin on all her grandbabies.
Yesterday afternoon as your other Grandma and I were moving furniture and cleaning, we moved the angel statue from on top the tv over the the fireplace. It looks so good there now. Grandma asked where the pretty angel came from and I said your name..."It was for Cy." Just like that I said your name...not in prayer, like usual...but in conversation. And saying it like that felt good...and real...and painful too. All that hurt of losing you came back. But that's okay, so I was so glad to remember that you're still there for me. My little boy. I love you. And I thank God for the gift of you, even though I never got to unwrap it. The gift of holding you will wait. And oh what a gift that will be someday. We must be patient though... I have all these gifts here who need their mama too.
In the mean time...I love you. Say hi to Grandma, and Jesus, and all our friends there.
I love you Cy,